Brown parents, especially fathers, are often emotionally unavailable. From childhood, boys are taught that "men don’t cry," leading to generations of men who repress their emotions and struggle to express vulnerability. They grow up emotionally detached, unable to connect with their loved ones. Brown dads will beat the life out of you for making a mistake, but when it comes to expressing love, they fall silent. A rare "good job," an awkward pat on the back, or an occasional forced gift might be the extent of their affection. But a real emotional conversation? Almost unheard of. This cycle of emotional suppression continues, creating men who struggle with empathy and perpetuate toxic masculinity.
Mothers, often the silent sufferers of brown culture, are powerless in many ways. Their struggles are ignored, their sacrifices expected, and their emotional well-being dismissed. Many are trapped in patriarchal households where they have no real authority, no financial independence, and no emotional support. Over time, their frustration builds up, sometimes spilling onto their children in the form of anger, criticism, and emotional withdrawal. This isn’t parenting, it’s generational trauma being passed down. A mother who was never taught how to love herself or given the space to heal cannot always provide a safe emotional environment for her children.
Siri, play "Give me some sunshine."
The Ignorance of Child Planning
One of the biggest issues in brown families is the complete disregard for child planning. Many parents keep having children without considering their ability to provide emotional, financial, or psychological support. According to a UNPA report, Pakistan’s total fertility rate stands at 3.8 children per woman; 31% higher than the desired rate. With resources stretched thin, older siblings are often forced into parenting roles, or children grow up emotionally neglected.
More children often mean less attention, less care, and a higher chance of toxic parenting patterns continuing. Parents fail to realize that raising a child isn't just about providing food and shelter, it’s about nurturing a human being, emotionally and psychologically, so they can grow into stable adults.
The Burden of Expectations
The infamous "doctor or engineer or a disappointment" mindset is another form of emotional abuse. Parents place unbearable expectations on their children without considering their interests or capabilities. From an early age, kids are taught that their worth is measured by their academic achievements and career choices. Any deviation from traditional career paths is met with disappointment, ridicule, or outright rejection. This constant pressure damages self-esteem and creates anxiety, stress, and even depression. A child who grows up feeling they will never be good enough will carry that burden into adulthood, constantly seeking validation in unhealthy ways.
The Normalization of Physical Punishment
Hitting children is so normalized in brown households that it’s barely even considered abuse. Parents see it as "disciplinary action," but in reality, it leaves deep psychological scars. Children raised with violence grow up either fearing their parents or resenting them. Many struggle with emotional detachment, aggression, or self-worth issues. Some even become abusive themselves, believing violence is a necessary part of discipline.
Studies show that children who experience physical punishment are more likely to develop anxiety disorders, depression, and even violent tendencies in adulthood. Yet, in many brown households, a slap across the face or a belt to the back is still considered "tough love."
In 1979, Sweden became the first country to ban corporal punishment. Forty years later, studies found that crime rates had gone down, proving that kids don’t need to be hit to behave well. Research also shows that when children are hit, their stress hormones (like cortisol) spike, making them more anxious, sad, and emotionally unstable. But kids who grow up without violence are better at handling their emotions and solving problems.
Mental health doesn’t exist in most brown households. Depression, anxiety, and emotional struggles are brushed off with "Namaz parho sab theek hojayega" or "It’s all in your head." Instead of acknowledging psychological issues, parents gaslight their children into believing they’re being dramatic or ungrateful.
Fat-shaming, color-shaming, and constant criticism about appearance or personality are also common. Parents who casually call their kids "motay," "kaalay," or "nakaam" don’t realize the lifelong damage these words cause. Emotional abuse might not leave visible scars, but it lasts longer than physical wounds.
The hypocrisy in the treatment of sons and daughters is another deep-rooted issue. Sons get freedom, independence, and validation, while daughters are controlled, criticized, and expected to be "perfect." A girl’s education, career, clothing, and marriage are dictated by her parents, while boys can live as they please. Sons can be reckless and irresponsible with no consequences, but when daughters try to assert independence, they are labeled as rebellious, disrespectful, or "too modern."
These double standard fuels resentment and reinforces toxic gender roles in society. Girls grow up feeling suffocated, constantly walking on eggshells to meet their parents’ impossible expectations.
Brown parents invest everything in their children; their money, time, and future. But in return, they expect absolute obedience, forgetting that children are individuals, not property. They struggle to let go, to allow their children to grow, make mistakes, and form their own identities. The idea of "We did everything for you, now do as we say" is suffocating. It creates guilt, emotional dependency, and in many cases, resentment. Children feel trapped between gratitude and the need for autonomy.
What brown parents fail to understand is that love isn’t about control it’s about guidance, support, and acceptance. Raising a child isn’t about molding them into a predetermined image; it’s about nurturing their individuality and giving them the space to become their best selves.
